GregoryBowers.com

A year ago, today (5 Feb), someone cracked open my skull and looked at my brain. They then cut out an invader, and stapled me shut.

That may sound a bit insane, and in reality overly simplistic, but I’m being entirely honest. On 5 Feb 2009, doctors at Swedish Medical Center - Cherry Hill performed a craniotomy to remove a mysterious growth that was pushing into my left temporal lobe, causing seizures. While I was originally told it was a meningioma, I was later informed it was, strangely enough, a granuloma.

I was told it was the size of a small plum.

Thus was the crux of a turbulent, extremely difficult year that included the aforementioned seizures, 5 total surgeries (lead-up, craniotomy, bone marrow biopsy, and insertion / removal of a tulip blood filter), months of recovery, losing my job, not being able to drive for 6 months and meeting Dave Schappell. As you can tell, it has been tough.

Probably the toughest part for me today is those lingering questions. While I’m “fine” I still have no clear explanation of what really happened, what caused the growth, and if I have to worry about it anymore (aside from my yearly MRIs). Even one of the best neurosurgeons in the nation responded to my paranoid questions several months after with essentially a shrug of the shoulders and more or less saying “you’re fine, we removed it.”

Except, I’m really not fine. I worry incessantly about my brain, removing myself from any activities that might lead to hitting my head. I take my anti-seizure drugs religiously, stringing emergency pills from my keyring, with me at all times. I may have healed, but I feel horribly broken.

Yes, I feel amazingly lucky to be alive and without life-destroying brain damage. I am exceptionally grateful to have had the support of my wonderful fiancée, Sabrina, through every moment of this. She even agreed on the engagement knowing the chaos that was pending. I am lucky.

But for some reason, I doubt the worry will ever cease.